A night of energy-lacking, good-songs-but-poor-song-choosing, off-key singing crapola. Wasn't this supposed to be "the most talented 36 ever!" Again!?
What a spectacular waste of time.
Hey, I know these are (mostly) amateurs struggling with their first (for the most part) big break all the while swimming in a fishbowl and reaching for the stars. Yeah. I get that. But I can name at least a 12 people who can sing, with more energy and stage presence than the last two weeks worth of contestants put together.
I'm tired of the train wreck.
I just want someone to carry a tune without hurting my insides.
For the record...FOUR JUDGES is really slowing up the works. What I'd like to suggest to the producers is to rotate judges. Have a passel of judges (either per season or per show) who had NO HAND in selecting the top 36. Let them give real critiques besides, "Dawg. That wasn't hot, Dawg." Or, "You have a spirit about you, a flavor, a scent ...that makes you marketable!"
It's only the second group, and the judges are nearly as boring as the performances. They rarely offer any constructive instructions other than, "I just wanted MORE, man. It just wasn't enough, yo."
Feh. (sigh) On to it.Jasmine Murray - Pretty girl, decent pipes, fair amount of energy. Picks a fun, current hit Love Song... and then over sings the hell out of it. With plenty of off-key notes through-out. She does decent on the chorus, but it's just...overdone. It's a simple pop melody with simple lyrics and she tries too hard to "make it her own" and turns it into a hot trilly mess. Mostly forgettable. Points for picking a modern song that wasn't Alicia Keys or Kelly Clarkson. It's early, so while the judges unanimously don't like the end result, they are all pretty nice about it.
Matt Giraud - The current hits keep coming when Matt picks Coldplay's latest. He's going to inject it with "soul." Who knew that "soul" was code for bleating through the long notes like a goat on crack. Oof. It got worse from there. I have to say, I'm pretty happy that I won't have to listen to goat boy again. (Fingers Crossed.)
Jeanine Vailles - Wow. Lady has some legs. Lady also looks like she should be working at the Baton Club. No offense, but the girl has embraced the drag queen within. Oof. We're hanging onto this decade with Maroon 5. I have to say, while I think the songs are wildly wrong for the folks picking them, I do appreciate the trend of more current offerings. Although, Maroon 5 is as middle-of-the-road pop songs as it gets. My pen was dying a slow death as Jeanine sang...here's what I wrote: off-key, hot mess, good legs.
I think that pretty much sums it up.
Oh. I did like how she stuck it to the producers by calling out the fact that she made it to the top 36...but received ZERO coverage over the past however many weeks. Rock on! Then she kind of laughs it off in an of-putting manor. Oh well, nice not knowing you!
Nick Mitchell/Normund Gentle - I'm really torn about Nick/Normund. Yeah, he's a silly looking guy. Yeah, he's not ever going to be the American Idol. But, the guy has pipes. And if he had enough confidence to take off the comedian mask (which is just one big "woobie") and really commit to a song, I think he'd blow the competition away. He's got power and a good range. I wish for all the world he'd keep his fun in-your-face-Simon personality, look at the camera and say, "America, I'm gonna give this a shot and really sing. When it's over and the dust settles, I'd like a guest spot on The Office. Thank Ye."
But he doesn't have the balls to do it. Still, it was the most awkwardly entertaining thing on this show, since Andrew Lloyd Weber dropped the word, "Glamourpuss."
Part of me wants to be mad at him for taking the spot of someone who's really serious about a musical career...but if THESE people are the level of talent we're working with?...I'm all for Nick/Normund giving Simon an aneurysm week after week.
Allison Iraheta - My first impression of this 16 year old is why does she look like a 40 yr old mom who spent time in a ladies correctional facility? I don't know if it's the hair or the clothes or her scrunchy face, but altogether it screams anything but "16." Her "chit chat" with Ryan is the kind of boring which is so heinous, you begin to daydream about wrapping your mouth around the barrel of a shotgun. And then, she sings. Wowza. Girl's got chops and bringing some hutzspah to Heart. She had a couple sharp spots, but compared to the rest of the night, she's miles ahead of the pack. Simon's 100% right that this girl needs some confidence and to relax enough to just be herself (i.e. "show us your personality.")
Kris Allen - Ah. Finally. The Cute Guy! I was wondering where he was! It really doesn't matter what he sang or how he sang it, Tweener girls everywhere are all, "KRIS! I HEART YOU!" All the 12 year olds who are too cool for the Jonas Bros, finally have a Teen Beat centerfold to root for! Woot! Kris fucks it all up by singing Man in the Mirror. He's a soprano trying to deliver like an alto and it doesn't work...until he hits and maintains the one big note.
OH. He's THAT guy. The "I really can't sing for shit, but I can NAIL that one big note, like nobody's bidness" guy. Hope that works out for him.
Megan Corkrey - My first reaction to Megan was "this girl is fucking adorable." And then she sang off key and twisted around like a 4 year old who has to urinate RIGHT NOW. Huh? Less adorable and more...WTF? While she was all over the place during the song, she does have an interesting tone and style.
When your best compliment is "you could be viable in the market with the right song?" Oof. That's a hard sell. My grandmother could be viable in the market with the right song. And she's been dead since 2007. That's like saying, I could be America's Next Top Model, if we found a magazine looking for a cover girl with glasses which catered to subscribers with a fetish for large asses.
The only thing I know for sure? Tween girls across the country, turned to their parents and said, "I would like an arm sleeve of tattoos. And I want it NOW."
Matt Breitzke - aka the other blue collar guy. Ack. Rock Lite. He had a chance to dial it up mid song and throw some attitude and energy into it...but it came off as "Wedding Singer." In fact, I feel like I'm insulting wedding singers, since I think they'd throw a bit more balls into that song. It was ball-less. Also, I really can't stand when the Idols get all, "WELL I LIKED IT. SO I'M TAKING MY BALL AND GOING HOME," with the judges. The fact that they hate your song is in no way a personal affront. So stop acting like they just peed in your lemonade. Throwing a hissy fit is no way to win fans, boy-o. Especially when your delivery of a rock ballad had ZERO percent rock in it.
Jesse Langseth - so in case you've just arrived from a small cave, you know that Jesse is Jonny Lang's sister. It should be known that I am a HUGE Jonny Lang fan and was really hoping that some of that talent in located in the DNA. Jesse was...okay. I liked her song choice and thought she did...okay. It had good moments, but again, she didn't throw her guts on the floor. She didn't leave it all onstage. It was too safe. Bah. It's late and I'm getting tired and cranky that these people continue to fail in bringing their A-game.
I will give her points for sticking it back to Randy and asking him to be CLEAR about what "MORE" he would like to see. He responded that he wanted her to sing a song that had more than 5 notes in it so they could hear her true range of ability. Now THAT is constructive criticism. Something useful that she can go back and work on for the next round. That is...if she were making it.
Kai Kalama - How do people get this far in the competition (or in life) with "insane hair?" I didn't think I could hate anyone's hair more than The Douche, but I have been proven wrong. I have a sneaking suspicion that would Kai have the balls to shave his head (or really cut it shorty short) he might be quite attractive. Instead, all I see is a Muppet who was rejected from Sesame Street for frightening small children.
His song choice was a snooze, but he had a nice voice, but that doesn't matter because I hate his hair so much I want to climb through the television, sit on his chest and shave him bald.
Mishavonna Henson - another cute lil' button, this one has a nice tone to her voice, but threw herself under the bus with a crap song choice. It's hard to sell a sincere "na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na." Simon hit it on the head. She came across as too serious and not fun or lively.
I know it's all kinds of hell being a teen, but I do recall a couple days when I had a bounce to my step. Mishavonna needs some bounce. She is bounce deficient.
Adam Lambert - Adam is bring the eyeliner. While he's not my particular cup of tea and I think he oversold the song a bit, he picked a song that fit his style and attitude - and was the only one who really brought an abundance of energy to his performance.
He's working that hipster emo look a bit more than I'm into, but there's definitely a reason they threw him in the closing spot. He's eye-humping the camera a bit much, but overall, he's the best fella of the night. And then he and Ryan start dishing about Twilight and start doing each other's hair.
And I'm like FINALLY!
There isn't enough Calgon to take this away.
Predictions for Moving on:
Male - Adam...or Kris.
Female - Allison
Magic 3rd - Nick/Norman.
I think America wants to watch Nick annoy the hell out of the judges.
Male - Adam
Female - Allison
Magic 3rd - Nick...or Megan.