Thursday, March 26, 2009

Top 10

This will be the lightening round for me...I couldn't get online last night and I'm swamped at work...

It's Motown Night. Man. Really? Again? Nothing against the motor city and it's fine musical legacy...but I'm so not in the mood for Motown. Unless the Idols really kick out some creative arrangements...but I'm not holding out hope.

As my father says, I'd complain if I was hung with a new rope. Which is true. The good news is that, honestly, all these folks can, indeed, carry a tune. Not one Sanjaya in the bunch. But, just because you can sing, doesn't make you a good performer. And a boring singer is still boring. better bring it, Idols. Bring it.

MATT - Marvin Gaye's it up. Does a good job, not too goaty, but the little dance thing seemed too planned out. The reason you rehearse a performance over and over is to make it seem natural, effortless and spontaneously in-the-moment when you're in front of an audience. You don't want to go to a concert and ever feel like your watching a robot who just did this same dance in front of crowd who came last night. Nothing earth shattering about the arrangement either. A for the vocal, B- for the performance.

KRIS - Again, a nice vocal, very Jack Johnson meets James Taylor, which is exactly who Kris is...strike that. Kris is Jack Johnson meets James Taylor meet Shaun Cassidy (circa 1977.) He's all Tiger Beat, soda pop and bubble gum. He does his style very well...but I'm being to grow weary of what is essentially a coffee-house open mic week after week. It's not bad, per se...there's just no variety. And I'm getting tired of "vanilla" - tasty, yes! But, I'm ready for some rocky road.

SCOTT - Started okay and then just went into...the way the song always sounds. He sounds fine, but I'm bored. Stiff. Bah. Although, "vote for the pink pants" and the back and forth that followed cracked my crusty layer for a bit of a chuckle. Well, played, sir. Well played.

MEGAN - Absolutely the worst she's done so far. No doubt, she's a beautiful girl and I'm all about her rocking her tats with her fashion...but what up with those freaky tights? I didn't know hose came in zombie flesh tones. It makes me throw up in my mouth a little just thinking about them. So very...gah. Also, I'm pretty sure Stevie Wonder went just a smidge more blind because of how she sang that song. Word. And I take back what I said. Megan is the Sanjaya of this Top 10. Double word.

ANOOP - What up with that jacket, yo? I know you're trying to rock the preppy/casual thing, but that jacket looked like something kids wore in little league circa 1972. I fear Anoop is addicted to the "layering" trend. Much like apples, one bad layer can destroy the whole bunch. He sounds awesome and nails the vocal, but I agreed with Simon. The performance was overly serious. The song is about apologising and wooing someone back...not about the need to revise the stimulus bill.

SARVER - You, sir....are the weakest link! Actually, no, Megan is the weakest link, but her train crash is much more interesting to look at than your performance. I too, couldn't wait for it to end. I think he'd be an awesome addition to your church choir or your buddie's cover band...but he's no Idol. Nobody will be buying his records, it's time for him to go. I'm hoping tonight is the end el line-o for Sarv-o.

LIL - Lil had the most sincerely sweet "mentor" time with Smokey. That was nice to watch. While I like Lil's dress, her hair and makeup looked a wee bit too costume-y. Kinda like Beyonce on crack...or something you'd see Carol Burnette wear on her show. It distracted from rather than enhanced her performance. I think she could have picked a better song - one that was more a singers song than one with such a limited and shouty range. Points for yelling "Obama!" on a live reality show. That made me laugh too (and gave me a happy feeling! Yay!)

ADAM - If Adam isn't the poster child for how a little eyeliner can go a looooong way, I don't know who is. With some angles, his Elvis-like appearance really other times, he looked like a bad Vegas lounge lizard. Vocally though, he nailed it. AGAIN. Good night to go acoustic too. Best of the night. AGAIN.

DANNY - Whoops! I totally forgot about Danny. Well, that can't be good. His voice - great. But his performance seems cheesy? Forced? Rote? Super cheesy? I don't know. He's selling the "happy" too hard. He's like two rights make a wrong or something tonight. I'm just not into him at all.

ALLISON - While I hated her outfit with a fiery passion (please go away 80's-retro, you blow), she really held her own with a classic. Again, no real change from the original, but that gravelly voice of hers really suited the song. After following Adam, she did hella good.

At this point, I'm beginning to believe this is Adam's crown to lose. If he keep bringing the heat, he should be able to flick Danny off his sleeve like a bug.

Going home? I'm putting all my pennies on Sarver.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

so long, farewell

I'm going to be directing a show this summer and had a production meeting last I missed the glorious group sing and had to read the results online this morning.

Reaction 1: WOOT! Alexis is gone! Woot! Now...I actually think she's more talented than Sarver and Megan, so it sucks that she's leaving before them, but I am so relieved in the knowing that I don't ever have to beat my brain in with a bat while watching A) her kiss up to the judges, B) the judges patting themselves on the back or C) anyone discussing her level of dirty-ness.

Reaction 2: Conspiracy! I now think that those producers are even more malicious than just your run of the mill puppeteers. I think that the top four will be Danny, Lil, Adam and ALLISON...(you ever notice how Allison and Alexis are pretty close name-wise?) and that the "nameless staffer" incorrectly identified Alexis as the fourth instead of Allison...on purpose! To throw us off the scent of their secret star chamber plans!

Follow this logic. They put out the "fake" news leak with Alexis as a sure thing for final four. They promote a "shocking" results show. Then axe Allison. In the intelligence biz, that's called a bait and switch.

Reaction 3: I really need to stop watching online episodes of MI-5 before bedtime.

So was it all just a big kerfuffle?
...or the first slow moves in an ongoing, predetermined chess game.

All shall be revealed, my friends. All shall be revealed.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

this one goes to 11

So it's all over the interwebs that the "final four" have already been pre-ordained.

Uh...does this surprise anyone? Nope. When they announced the "Power of Veto" bullshit, you knew that this season, the producers were willing to do anything to "write" the ending they wanted.

It will be interesting to see how this drama plays out. While those four (Danny, Alexis, Adam, Lil) represent 3 of the top talents (I honestly think Allison is much more talented than Alexis), I wonder where "likability" comes into play.

The scenario where America votes to keep a Taylor Hicks, but boots a Daughtry.

Let's get it on.

SARVER - Lukewarm. Tepid. Mild. There is a discernable lack of "juice" coming from the "Rigger." I think his good 'ole boy days are numbered. Yeah, it's country week, but this was a weak performance, perhaps his weakest to date. Karaoke at best. I get the idea that he thinks a magic sprite will sprinkle him with fairy dust and then he'd wake up awesome. That he's somehow there to learn and be molded...when NO. This is your break. Either BRING IT, or get off the stage. Exit left.

ALLISON - I'll admit it. I'm bummed about Fancy. Bah. I'm over it. That said, I think she picked the wrong song. It seems to start way to low for her and she hangs onto it okay, but it's nothing super special. Maybe my bar is too high for Allison. Maybe (if she hits the bottom two tonight) she'll sing Fancy a'cappella and win that precious Veto! Thing is, this girl has it. Talent and a voice. She just needs to not be so very 16. (And yet, I adore her for being 16 and not being the 16 that Archuleta was - that annoying Disney-fied, pristine teen.)

KRIS - Takes on Garth Brooks. Really? Seriously? Ugh. His voice is nice, but I'm bored. BORED, I SAY! His cuteness will save him. For now.

LIL - For most of the song, Lil sounds fine. But, there's no punch. It's too subdued. Her heart isn't in the song. It's like she's just singing a bunch a words strung together...I don't believe her. I think she picked the wrong song. Or maybe she has the flu? She just didn't seem present during her performance. Her attempt to "be respectful" of the genre backfired. Simon's right. While I don't want her to sing Whitney, I wanted her to bring her R&B style and crack it open on some country. Mission Failed.

ADAM - File this performance under: WTF. You have to give it to Adam. He's consistant. He's crazy, but he's consistant. He's not country, he's never going to be country...he just needs to find his psychadelic glam hair band and he's all set. One again, Seabreeze is overly delighted by Adam, as the amount of gay that Adam is omitting is filling the entire theater and pouring out onto the boulevard. Which, once again, makes Seabreeze look as least at hetero as Danny Thomas, circa 1947.

SCOTT - I agree with Simon. This week was almost interchangable with last week in a good, but not great kind of way. And while the list was limited, I think the fact the Scott was all, "I lost the lottery and everyone else took the song I wanted" cry is problematic as an excuse. In a way, if you're all choosing the same 11 songs out of the 64 songs offered up? All that says to me is that you are completely limiting yourself and not even attempting to be creative...or an "artist." In that sense, you're just another fucking singer. And the world needs another Frank Sinatra like I need a hole in my head. If you get my drift. Be an artist, dammit!

ALEXIS - Once again, I think Alexis picks a song where she gets close, but gets no cigar. That note in the middle? Oof. Rough. I really don't understand why there's this idea that she's more talented than Allison. She's not. Maybe she's a bit less rough around the edges than Allison, but that's it. As "personality challenged" as Allison might least she's not a brown nose with the some people we know.

JUST when I think we'll get through one show without someone going on about how "dirty" Alexis needs to make it...she brings it up herself in the wrap-up. ARG. You are not dirty. You wouldn't know dirty if you fell in the mud and rolled around in it, so STOP trying to force yourself into that mold, girl!

DANNY - Plays the Jesus card. Granted, it's Jesus Lite, but still...I'm concerned we're making the turnoff into Mandisaville. Vocal is great and full, but the performance comes off as a bit cheese covered. Also, what up with that outfit?

ANOOP - "From zero to hero." Wow. I have to say, that was really impressive. That is a classic nearly "untouchable" song and he really killed it. A definite improvement over last week's car crash of Beat It. For once, the mentor gives some sound advice (no pun intended) and tells him not to oversing it or add any crazy trills. Anoop takes this on and give a solid A+ performance.

MEGAN - I am well over the Megan Shimmy. And a bra-less shimmy? Oh yes. She went there. While I think the arrangement or her vocal was fun, the package deal of the shimmy/outfit/boob swing/vocal doesn't work. Flu schmoo. She better not get any sympathy votes. America, I'm looking at you.

MATT - Yes. I hate when he goes into his goat trill, but that seemed almost non-existant in this performance, to the point that I forget that's why I don't like him. What I do like is this performance. A lot. I personally think it's his best. Best of the night, by far.

Of course the reason that tonight is more important than any other night, is that whoever makes this round is going on tour. One unlucky mope is getting the axe. And that mope will be...Sarver. Or Megan (fingers crossed.) But, really? Sarver.

I'd say Scott...but I think he still has enough sympathy votes out there to keep him least one more week.

covers, covers, everywhere

Tonight is Grand Olde Opry week...which is a little different than "country week", as the songs must only by artists that are a member of the Grand Ole Opry...and a select few at that.

Personally, I really like knowing when the Idols have limitations on their song choice, since it is probably the most crucial element. Here's how it breaks for me:

1. Song selection (tantamount)
2. Arrangement (make it you're own? or just another boring cover?)
3. Performance/Delivery

Ex: If you chose Ring of Fire and performed it in the style of DEVO? One. My god, that would kick ASS...and also be...hilariously awful. But it would be a bold choice and definitely give the viewers some insight into what kind of album you'd cut.

What would YOU choose?

Alan Jackson - Don't Rock the Jukebox
Alan Jackson - Summertime Blues
Alan Jackson - Chattahoochee
Alison Krauss - When You Say Nothing At All
Alison Krauss - Baby Now That I've Found You
Barbara Mandrell - If Loving You Is Wrong I Don't Want to Be Right
Brad Paisley - Celebrity
Brad Paisley - Mud on the Tires
Brad Paisley - When I Get Where I'm Going
Carrie Underwood - Jesus Take the Wheel
Carrie Underwood - Before He Cheats
Carrie Underwood - Wasted
Carrie Underwood - So Small
Carrie Underwood - All-American Girl
Carrie Underwood - Last Name
Diamond Rio - Beautiful Mess
Dierks Bentley - What Was I Thinkin
Dierks Bentley - Come A Little Closer
Dierks Bentley - Every Mile a Memory
Dierks Bentley - Feel That Fire
Dolly Parton - Jolene
Dolly Patron - I Will Always Love You
Dolly Parton - Here You Come Again
Dolly Parton - 9 to 5
Dolly Parton - Why'd You Come In Here Lookin' Like That
Garth Brooks - Friends in Low Places
Garth Brooks - The Dance
Garth Brooks - Shameless
Garth Brooks - More Than a Memory
George Jones - She Thinks I Still Care
George Jones - He Stopped Loving Her Today
Hank Williams - I'm So Lonesome I Could Cry
Johnny Cash - Folsom Prison Blues
Johnny Cash - Ring of Fire
Johnny Cash - I Walk the Line
Josh Turner - Your Man
Josh Turner - Would You Go With Me
Josh Turner - Firecracker
Lorrie Morgan - Watch Me
Martina McBride - Wild Angels
Martina McBride - A Broken Wing
Martina McBride - Anyway
Pam Tillis - Cleopatra, Queen of Denial
Pam Tillis - Maybe It Was Memphis
Patsy Cline - Walkin' After Midnight
Patsy Cline - I Fall to Pieces
Patsy Cline - Crazy
Patty Loveless - Blame On Your Heart
Randy Travis - Forever And Ever Amen
Reba McEntire - Fancy
Reba McEntire - Why Haven't I Heard From You
Ronnie Milsap - It Was Almost Like a Song
Tammy Wynette - Stand By Your Man
Terri Clark - Poor Poor Pitiful Me
Trace Adkins - Honky Tonk Badonkadonk
Trace Adkins - You're Gonna Miss This
Travis Tritt - I'm Gonna Be Somebody
Travis Tritt - T-R-O-U-B-L-E
Travis Tritt - Tell Me I was Dreaming
Travis Tritt - It's a Great Day To Be Alive
Trisha Yearwood - She's In Love With The Boy
Trisha Yearwood - Walkaway Joe
Trisha Yearwood - How Do I Live
Vince Gill - I Still Believe In You

I have to admit, personally, I'm not super familiar with today's "Big n' Rich" country. Anything after 1985 gets a bit fuzzy. Looking over this list, I predict this to be a night of "covers of covers."

I'm guessing someone (Adam) will take Alan Jackson's cover of Summertime Blues and do it in the style of The Who.

Alison Kraus just won a couple grammys, so expect folks to hit that well - although, I'm disappointed that I'll Fly Away didn't make the list. I love that classic song and her version of it. Someone (Lil or Megan) will sing her cover of Baby, Now That I Found You originally by the Foundations.

Of the three ladies left...I'm kinda hoping they steer clear of Carrie Underwood. But, hers might be the only songs they are familiar with in this genre, so someone might bite on that.

What I'd LOVE to see is a ROCK version of 9 to 5 (or maybe in the style of Devo? There can never be enough DEVO in the ether, people. A girl can dream...)

I'm hoping that none of the ladies tries to take on Dolly (aka Whitney's cover) with I Will Always Love You or Tricia Yearwood's How Do I Live Without You (which could be considered a cover of LeAnn Rimes.) Actually, I wonder if Allison doesn't take that one one....and HEART the hell out of it...although, I'm secretly wishing she takes on Fancy.

Who wouldn't want a 16 year old to sing about a mother pimping out her teen aged daughter! (fingers crossed.)

I pray none of the boys takes on Garth Brooks "Low Places", but I'm a'feared someone might.

Back in the realm of covers of covers, one of the fellers, let's say Kris Allen, will sing Terri Clark's Poor Poor Pitiful Me, which is actually a Warren Zevon tune. Which makes me wish there was a Warren Zevon night. sigh

Although, I'm pretty sure if he does sing this, they'll forgo the third verse:

I met a girl at the Rainbow Bar
She asks me if I'd beat her
She took me back to the Hyatt House
I don't want to talk about it

Yeah...not quite the American Pop lyric that the tweeners are looking for. Woop!

If any of the boys had balls, they take George Straight song like He Stopped Lovin' Her Today and Rock That Shit Out. I double dog dare them.

For some reason, I have this feeling Gokey will either take on Hank Williams with I'm So Lonesome, I Could Cry or, since Randy Travis is the "mentor" this week, he'd have the cajones to take on I'm Gonna Love you Forever. Which, to be frank, I secretly adore that sappy song. And while it could be read in that gray area of "Danny singing about his dead wife", it's actually a very upbeat, fun song...which is what I think Danny's looking to sing. Two birds. One very crazy stone.

Let's see if I still adore it when someone less talented that Travis sells it.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

baker's dozen

Holy crap. It's been a crazy busy couple days!

I didn't get to watch the show last night, but I did catch all the performances (only) via youtube. So I missed all the hijinx between Seabreeze and the judges and the pre-song vids.

I only have a couple minutes to shoot this out, so it's going to be BRIEF.
Small favors...I know.

Nights like this are WHY I HATE IDOL.

After telling the contestants over and over to be themselves and stop trying to duplicate an established singer and DON'T take on a uber Pop Hit (as we shall Always compare you to the original, which is 1000x better than you)...they produce a King of Pop night.


For the record, I'm much more a Jackson 5 fan than I ever was a King of Pop fan. So my disappointment is great that folks didn't go to that catalog a bit more.

Nobody sang Dancing Machine? This song is both awesome and very pliable to "updating.' I also think "The Love You Save" was a missed opportunity. Not to mention, I Want You time for waxing about song choices missed!

LIL - Not a fan of the arrangement (sounded a bit cruise stage show.) But she's fun and having fun. File under Pretty Good, but not "knock[ing] me off my feet."

SCOTT - Speaking as someone who will likely go blind in her lifetime, I think he's the bee's knees. But speaking as a fan of this show, I'm utterly bored by Scott.

DANNY - Again, good, but still on my feet. For the record, I wear glasses. I could wear contacts (and have) but I prefer glasses, so part of me is all, "Yeah, my brotha! Work them specs! Make the camera guy have to figure out YOUR angle that doesn't throw glare! Woot!" And the other part is, "But why do you wear those frames that only, and I mean this in the most sincerest way, lesbians wear? Hey. Some of my best friends are glass-wearin' lesbians. Nothing wrong with it...but on Danny?

It's like when you go to the State Fair and there's a guy who draws those characture/cartoons? And they focus on one attribute to represent "you?" Danny's would be a giant pair of those glasses.

SARVER - I want to like Sarver. He's just too earnest. It annoys me. But he has a voice for the power ballad and sounds pretty good.

JASMINE - I think she made the best song choice to fit her sound...although, it's not like she changed anything up. It was a straight cover of Mariah's cover. She sounded the best she has so far. I just don't think she's got enough of a draw to keep her on the show yet.

KRIS - I think his voice was best suited to MJ's stuff. Still, I'm looking behind him for the rest of his boy band to back him up. He's the only heart throb up to bat, so he's safe as houses.

ALLISON - It's so hard to believe she's only 16. She sounded as if she did a cover of Heart doing a cover of a Michael Jackson song. Heart was one of the rockingest bands of all time. If Allison is bringing back that vibe, I am on board. Best of the night, methinks.

ANOOP - He sounded good, but messed up his lyrics a bit early on. He picked a song that depends a lot on those special noises that only MJ can get with in a song. Probably my least favorite of his performances. But, I think the fanbase for Anoop will save his ass. This time.

JORGE - I couldn't tell if it was his singing or the arrangement, but it just sounded so very "Easy Listening." I mean, for christ's sake, at least update the cheesy background vocals. I only heard his accent hit heavy on the word "door", so if his goal is to sing accent free, he is improving.

MEGAN - Smart enough to do a cover of a cover. That's a fun, jumping number that would fit her twisty dance of inpatience. But, it's more a novelty thing than a good performance. Will her cute quirkiness save her???

ADAM - There is something about Adam that makes me wish this was "Rocky Horror Picture Show Soundtrack Night" instead of "the songs of Michael Jackson." He could sing Sweet Transvestite or Science Fiction/Double Feature. Anoop could sing Dammit Janet. Megan could sing Touch-A, Touch-A, Touch Me. Lil could sing I Can Make You a Man (and R&B that shite up!) Honestly, it would be so much better than a Michael Jackson night.

Basically, Adam - as offputting as he is to me - kills it. Hair Band Style.

MATT - I should dig this cat...but I just don't. It's like it should work on paper, but it's all very much stuff I've seen before. Is it me, or did he sound like a bit like if Michael McDonald and Justin Timberlake had a baby. A really ugly baby that trilled like a goat on the long notes? It's not you, Matt. It's me.

ALEXIS - Dirty Diana. "Dirty" Alexis will be singing "Dirty" Diana. I'm not crazy, am I? This is all just more of trying to mold this cute girl into a rock slut, right? Still, while at first glance, "Dirty Diana" may look to be a poor song choice - it wasn't the monster hit that say of a "PYT" or a "Beat It"...but that's actually what makes it a pretty good choice. I'd wager that most of the audience isn't as familiar and won't compare her as much with the original.

The problem is, for much of the song, she's not singing, she's yelling. Completely oversinging and over-selling the song. Not sure if she blew out her voice in rehearsals, but it's only like 70% there. If that.

Overall, for the "first night" of the finalists, there were more hits than misses. Which makes it hard to figure what America might do.

I also hear, it might be a double elimination.

While I'm worried a bit about Anoop...I think Jasmine and Jorge will be in the bottom two.

Maybe. Don't quote me on that.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

woo-wee, group three

Maybe I'm just in a foul mood.

After watching this group, I JUST DON'T CARE if any of them makes it through (with the exception of Lil.) There was an overwhelming abundance of bland and then the Crazy Train pulled into the station. It was at that point that I started to prefer the McDonald's commercial where the fake fish sings to you demanding his fillet o' fish.

Von Smith - Speaking of large mouth bass...seriously. When he opens his mouth, I am suddenly fearful that he can come through the screen and swallow me whole, along with my couch and my little dog too! I don't know why folks who unhinge their jaws to sing frighten me so, but they do. He does...okay. Possibly above average based on the past couple weeks, but I'm not sold on Von and his magic monstrous mouth.

All the comparisons to looking like Clay Aiken? Just made me sorry for Clay Aiken. I mean, he wasn't crazy before American Idol. He was just in the closet. Now, he sings musicals about comedy groups he's never heard of and styles his hair like Liza Minnelli. Also, I wonder if he was watching and hearing them say, "'re SO much better looking than CLAY."

I mean, ouch.

Taylor Vaifanua - Kicks us off into the night of sucking bland that would not end. Once again, we are in the presence of a girl gripped by the delusion that she has the voice of a diva. Gah.

This girl was on "vibrate." And not in a good way. From the minute she started tapping her foot (too fast for the beat) to the way she was shaking while she sang, thru her not quite holding back her tears (of joy) and emotion during the judges' critique. There's an old saying about never letting them see you sweat. I think the AI version is "never let them see you tremble like a butterfly having a seizure."

Please take your godawful performance and those pleather tights and ease on down the road, T. (WTF were up with those?!! I mean, did someone suggest those tights? horribly bad. Gah.)

Alex Wagner-Trugman - The weird growling was...weird. I honest don't care . His whole performance was a bit too much like visiting the day room of a psych hospital. Little noises and physical ticks coming at you unexpectedly, putting you totally off your oatmeal. It was like watching some viral video you were forwarding about this kid in his room getting his freak on.

I know he fits the "adorable dork" archetype that the show loves, but I just want this guy to go away.

Arianna Afsar - Picks the most douchebag song you can in a singing competition, The Winner Takes it All by Abba. It's totally too big for her voice and the way she tries to make it "current" and "her own" just mangles an otherwise decent song. This puts her in the lead for official "hot vocal mess" of the night.

And while much was made of her "cute" factor...I don't think Disney's going to be knocking down any of her doors.

Ju'Not Joyner - While, I like the idea of slowing down "Hey There, Delilah" and putting an R&B touch on it, I think this was still kinda in the bland arena. I thought he had a few nice moments, but it was still a bit dry for me.

Better than most of the fellas tonight, but I'm not sure that he secured a spot. If not, I see him getting another shot on wildcard night. (To keep it real? Right now, the Top 12 is looking pretty damn white bread.)

Kristen McNamara - It's no secret that I love me some karaoke. I'll hit a karaoke half a dozen times over the course of a year. So, when I tell you that I am familiar with the species of person who "hosts" a karaoke night? You need to trust in that. There are good hosts, who keep the night rolling, have a fun attitude and (in some cases) can actually carry a tune. And then there are the Kristens of the world.

The ones who "host" so that they can 1) sing at least 5+ times throughout the night AND make sure nobody requests one of "their" songs. Kristen may be a joy and a wonder in all other avenues in her life, but I'm telling you, one look, one listen...she's a karaoke host/diva from the word go. And those are the bars you don't go back too, because it's not worth the hassle.

Don't get me wrong. K did a good job with her vocal. She's the best female thus far...although the bar, she be low. But, she lost me entirely when she lied about her hair. She said that her stylist mistakenly used purple dye right before her audition.

People. I'm here to tell you. No one mistakenly dyes their (or a client's ) hair, purple. She just did a 180 when the judges where like "WHAT'S WITH YOUR HAIR?" And she's all, like "fuck, me.


For reals, people.

Nathaniel Marshall - And the psychotic emo rebel has arrived. This kid is rockin' so many "I am SO different from you!" trends, he's like a atlas of wannabe cool. The ink, the piercings....the headbands. Wow. I really am getting old. I do not get boy-girls in headbands. While I am a proud member of several Lady Courts, I will out this boy as not just gay, but Super Gay. And Super Gay in a way that makes other gays uncomfortable. Which is no small feat.

Let's call a spade a spade.
That shiny headband is just a place holder for a tiara.

While choosing a Meatloaf song (even the lamest one) gets you points, the irony that Nate would do ANYthing for love/attention escapes no one. Simon may hamfistedly point out the obvious, but it's true. I hang out with actors and comedians. I can spot an attention whore at 200 yards, but there is no need for my powers, because, you could spot Nate's need for attention from space.

The ONLY person who is thrilled with Nate is Seabreeze. Standing next to that amount of Super Gay, does tend to make Seabreeze look butch. But, then he ruins the moment by beating a dead horse by attempting to force Simon and Nate hug or something. Then he spends an eternity trying to put Nate's headband/tiara on Simon's head.

Felicia Barton - Is it me, or did the girl who replaced the girl and who's had less than zero face time just kick some ass (comparatively)? She had one or two oofie notes, and the delivery was very much Alicia Keyes lite, but her voice was pretty strong and her deliver was fair. She just knocked Kristen out of the the best-of-the-ladies-so-far-tonight velvety chair.

Although, this goes to show you exactly what kind of advantage all that additional footage can bring. While I think she did great, I'm already forgetting what she looks like and any trace of her personality that I might have glimpsed in the video intro. Good luck, lady. You'll need it.

Scott MacIntyre - Call me a bastard, but I can't stop looking at "the eye." Baby, this is why Stevie wears sunglasses. So the audience can focus on your song and your energy and the moment and not look at the giant mole or other physical defect that we Can't Not Look At. I honestly can't tell you how he sang, because I was so aware of my discomfort.

It was like watching somebody give a presentation at the office...but they have a baby arm. You can't absorb ANYthing when there is a baby arm present.

And yes, I'm completely aware that I am a bastard and an a-hole.

Kendall Beard - I heard that this blonde was another Nashville Star reject. She sounded really sharp on some on her notes. I wasn't sure if she was trying to yodel some of her notes. But she reached for a couple notes that were far from her grasp. She does have a big personality.

Her biggest mistake (out of several) was admitting to the world that her mom dresses her. While her dress was kinda kickin', you do not give your mother credit for dressing you. At a show who's core is about manufacturing "what is popular/trendy." Dude. You're mom, she's not trendy.

The only girls in the entire world who gets to say, "My mom made this!" and get away with it are Vera Wang's daughters and Beyonce.

Jorge Nunez - I'm hoping that Jorge sings something in his native language, because that would be HOT. Not that Jorge would be hot. Again, to clarify, I think Jorge has a super cutie hidden under all that...well, not hidden really. He just needs a stylist like no body's business. The hair, the eyebrows. I've heard him compared to the Wolfman and yeah, he gives off that vibe like at any moment...More Hair Will Appear.

It may be muy macho in Puerto Rico, but that boy needs some full body manscaping.

Styling aside, he really brings the heat with the Elton John. The tone of his voice, his energy, he's very charming as well. And then he cries. Call me crazy, but I think think Teen Wolf may have the Boy Spot wrapped up out of this group!

Lil Rounds - Once again, they put the powerhouse at the end of the night. So you don't forget. So you remember their number. So you call and put them through so the season isn't full of Nates and Taylors and they have some talent they can actual work with. I love how the producers are so damn transparent with their little show machinations. Dolts.

Lil commanded the song, the stage, and looked like a million bucks while doing it. She sings Mary J. Blige, which is awesome, because it gives me hope that later in the season, Lil might try another MJB song. Maybe No More Drama or Dance For Me, if I'm lucky!

What can I say?
I need to get my crunk on up in the dancery, people.

Predictions for Moving on:
Male - Jorge
Female - Lil
Magic 3rd -, Scott. I think his crazy eye will bring in the calls.